I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
