sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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