you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize