For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
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