What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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