it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Someone came in the potted fern
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
