His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
