i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
