I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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