Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
