At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
