we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm at about main and main street
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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