Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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