yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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