i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
