so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
