I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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