We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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