too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
