It was confusing and full of hummus
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
