Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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