That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Ladies don't puke and tell
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
