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• (510): View more from California

  I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me

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• (325): View more from Texas

  As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  what is it with giant penises always finding me

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  27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (931): View more from Tennessee

  Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.

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• (415): View more from California

  I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes

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• (801): View more from Utah

  An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.

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• (501): View more from Arkansas

  I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.

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• 

  These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (250): View more from British Columbia

  You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.

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• (406): View more from Montana

  I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.

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• (845): View more from New York

  We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink

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