I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
what is it with giant penises always finding me
27 Parents Confess Shocking Secrets Their Kids Don’t Know
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink