Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
worst night to have a conscience
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird