Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
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I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now