I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
