If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
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