I smell stomach acid.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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