In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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