he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
your like the ambassador to my penis.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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