im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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