i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
