just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
