Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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