Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
