I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
