i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
