Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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