Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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