Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I will pee on everything he values.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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