My nipple is on Facebook.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
They are going to name an STD after you.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
