he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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