I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I don't deserve a penis
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Randomize