We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
