I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
