dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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