That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
