You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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