Nicole vs. Life
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
