I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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