I wanna bring you to show and tell
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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