I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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