wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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