I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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