My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
