i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Boobs are out for the taking
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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