it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
