So drunk its hurt
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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