Grow some girl-balls and come out already
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
