WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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