Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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