Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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