I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
