I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
