dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
