I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Girls should come with a carfax report
you didnt know i had herpes?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
