yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
so let's talk penis.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
