bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
