I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
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All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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