I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
