i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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