I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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