so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my sisters under your porch take her home
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
