He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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