Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
