Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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